Friday, January 23, 2009

Explosion of Sadness


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angel at the foot of the dogwood tree
planted in memory of my brother Michael
November 2008, Tennessee
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"You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair”
~ Chinese proverb
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I haven't wanted to feel it.
So I push it down.
down
down
down
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Packing it tight.
Ignoring, pretending, nodding.
Holding it
tight.
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It all came pouring out yesterday.
All.of.it.
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I discovered that I think that it's not okay to be sad. And it's especially not okay to share your sadness (your sorrow, your out-right grief) with others. If someone asks you "how are you?", the only safe answer is "fine". Especially for me. I'm the funny one, the fun one, the one who makes you shoot your drink out of your nose with laughter.
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But all that faking just leads me deeper down the hole. I managed to throw out a rope and my husband and my Julie were there to pull me out. To help me untangle the nest.
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The next time you ask me how I am, you may just hear the truth.
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And you still shouldn't drink liquids around me. ;)

7 comments:

Woz said...

There were at least 5 times yesterday that I almost called you to just see if you wanted to hang out. Next time I'm feeling that much of a pull, I'll just call...you may not have been up to hanging out or even answering the phone, but you'd have gotten the message and known I was thinking about you.

It's okay to let it all out...through your nose if necessary. :D

Chickaboom said...

Beeyootiful Trisha ~

Let it out...all of it...don't judge it, don't fear it, don't fight it...grief is so hard...it comes from love. Don't be afraid to share it with those who love you. We all understand, nobody sees weakness...they are seeing your heart, your wonderful loving heart. I'm glad you could share this. Love to you, girlfriend. I can't wait to see you!

knoxy said...

I love you, Trisha.

Victoria SkyDancer said...

(((trisha)))
Let it out as you need.
I've got the tissues right here.
Know you're deeply loved, even in the depths of grief.

Tricia said...

(((((((trisha)))))))

xoxo
tricia

Carrie Anspach said...

((((((((((Trisha))))))))))

It feels so much better to let it flow right out. I'm so happy you had safe loving people around to hold space for your expression of grief. Sending you so much love sweetie!

~Carrie

Trisha said...

Thank you dear Woz, Chickaboom, Knoxy, SkyDancer, Tricia and Carrie. I am loved. And so are you.