Friday, February 6, 2009

Part of Life


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I put a mini Landmark Forum leader in my head the other day. I was having one of those days and I thought, what if I got up and shared this at the Landmark Forum? How would the leader coach me? I came to a conclusion rapidly after that.
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I was stuck in the "what ifs" and basically living in the past. I, like most people, have had my heart broken - put my trust into another person and found out that one person's "forever" is well, not.
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So, I was what iffing myself - what if my husband doesn't really love me? What if he leaves me? What if, what if, what if?
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Is it really worth it? Is loving someone and trusting them with your heart worth it? Because the pain of them not loving you anymore - or maybe having not loved you at all - can be unbearable. Maybe it's better to just be alone and not have that pain in your life. Or possible pain. Or worry about the possible pain. (And for the record, my husband didn't and doesn't do anything to cause my doubt - that's all me choosing to live in the past in those moments of doubt).
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And then the LF Leader in my head asked me what about the people in my life who die? Isn't that painful? Doesn't it hurt to lose them?
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Yeah, I thought - but that's just part of life. I wouldn't give up my mom now because she'll die later. It's going to hurt, sure, but I can just cherish every moment I have with her NOW. Because dying is just a part of life.
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OH!
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What if loving someone and being hurt is part of life too?
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And what if everything is just a part of life - getting stuck at the railroad tracks when you're late for work, stubbing your toe, picking up dog poop, etc.? It's all part of life.
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And all we really have is right now anyway. The possibility of being hurt still exists but I'm choosing the possibility of love right now instead.

2 comments:

Woz said...

I so totally needed to read this right now so I'm thankful you posted it. I, too, have those thoughts often and get so scared sometimes. I've called off my wedding about a million times in my head because I'm so worried about the what ifs. What if Roger meets someone younger? What if Roger doesn't really love me? What if he wakes up one morning and sees me for who I really am and decides that is just outright crazy? But these are my thoughts not his. And I can't let the pain of the past prevent love in the future. So I'm choosing, like you, to live in the love right now. :D

Brandi said...

like woz, I needed to hear this post too. thank you.