Been turning this one over and over - I really didn't want to share about my weight loss journey because in the past, when I'd share, and then fail, I would feel so much shame. To have to tell people or answer questions or have people see me gaining it back or to stop trying.
It's scary.
This is coming up right now because I went for an opportunity that I really wanted and it didn't work out and I find myself wishing that I just hadn't shared it with anyone so I don't have to now share that I didn't get it.
More on this soon(er or later).
Like I said, it's scary.
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“…the secret to life is obvious: be here now, love as if your whole life depended on it, find your life’s work, and try to get hold of a giant panda. If you had a giant panda in your back yard, anything could go wrong -- someone could die, or stop loving you, or you could get sick – and if you could look outside and see this adorable, ridiculous, boffo panda, you’d start to laugh; you’d be so filled with thankfulness and amusement that everything would be o.k. again.” ~ Anne Lamott
4 comments:
There is nothing to feel shame about. Be proud that you had the courage to try. And as the sayings (hanging in my kitchen that I read several times a day) go, "Everything happens for a reason...just believe." AND "There is always, always, always something to be thankful for." xo
Shame is such a conditioned response for you. It's your go-to emotion when things don't work out the way you planned. But Kristin is right- there's no reason to feel shame. You went for something you wanted. It didn't work out. Disappointment, maybe, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. You rock. It didn't work out the way you wanted. You still rock. And lest you think you don't, might I remind you of your recent standup gig and your spectacular weight loss. No shame in your game, sister.
The shame spiral can paralyze, that's for sure, but I agree that what is the take-away here is that you put yourself out there and you went for it...it's so much easier to talk yourself out of things--don't I know THAT, gurrrrrrl--than just leap with abandon, but not trying gets any of us nowhere. How do you feel success unless you leap? You should be so super proud of that leap! I know am for you. At least you got fodder for your blog...see? Silver lining! Failure in one way, shape or form is inevitable...especially in your weight loss. And especially when you think you're "in the clear"...but it's acknowledging the success, celebrating the milestones and mini-goals, writing it all down and remembering how it felt to accomplish something you always just assumed was impossible that gets you right back in the game. Failure sucks and shame is such a hideous burn of a feeling, but I wish for you that the blush of all of your accomplishments--big And small!--keep you keepin' right on! You're doing it and I love reading about it! You're bad ass!!
You all rock so much - thank you!
I felt shame and let myself feel it. It passed. It always does. :)
I really do believe that everything happens for a reason - and I was really disappointed too.
I'm not going to stop leaping....EVER!
xo
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