*Choice* {word for 2012}

Also, choose, choosing.

I haven't done resolutions for years. And let's face it, I never really "did" them, even when I made them. A big part of the reason was that they were always too broad - lose weight. That's pretty overwhelming - and can still be overwhelming, but I'm focusing on choice.

Dictionary.com, defines choice as an act or instance of choosing. Choosing is defined as selecting from a number of possibilities; picking by preference - or to prefer or decide, to want, desire.

None of these quite ring true for me and I'm choosing {see what I did there? ;)} more the definition - or distinction from the Landmark Forum....

The Nature of Choice

The power to choose is uniquely human. We all have a high interest in shaping the course of our lives – making the right choices and pursuing what is important to us. One commonly held view regards choice as merely reacting to, or selecting among, the existing options. Here we take another view.

In this section, we explore choice as a profoundly human ability to create. When choice is understood and known in this way, what had previously seemed simply part of “the way things are” – inevitable or impervious to change – appears in a new light. We find ourselves able to choose – to have a say – about who we are and who we will be, as the author of our lives in any and all situations.

Word.

That's it. Exactly.

I'm creating a life I want, that's important to me. I have the say, the power to make it so.

I think William Ernest Henley said it best:
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

Today is day 43 of my weight loss journey. I've lost 19.5 lbs. and at last check, 45¼ inches. It's still a long road and some days, I feel like I'll never get there (patience has never been one of my strong suits). But really, I do know I will get there. I keep choosing and I've never felt so sure. In the last 43 days, I've faced Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Birthdays and dinners out (and last night, a majorly fantastic looking cake that seemed to be calling to me). And I've made the choices that align with my goals and commitments to myself and my health. What's more, I'm more present and happy. Deliriously happy that my commitments and actions are finally matching up.

I think that's part of the heartache involved in anything we say we want but do not have. Every time I make a choice that's not aligned with what I say I want, I beat myself up and tell myself that I'm "bad" and "wrong" and other not nice things. Then I become what I believe - someone who doesn't keep her word (to the most important person, myself) and then my actions match up with someone who doesn't keep her word and down the rabbit hole I go.

I believe I can do this. I am doing this. I am making myself proud.