Saturday, February 4, 2012

Letting Go of Perfection

I'm going to Hawaii in a couple of weeks and I asked my husband (aka Shmoopie) this morning: "do you think if I planned it and made a conscious choice, it would be okay to have ONE shave ice in Hawaii?"

He basically told me that this weight loss journey is more about creating new habits - and in the past, I wouldn't plan, or think or make any kind of conscious choice. I would just eat whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I wanted.

This sounds simple. It is. But not easy.

Not for a perfectionist like me. BUT - this perfectionism is part of what got me here (m.o.) in the first place. I would think: "well, I can't do all that perfect {eat only healthy foods 100% of the time, exercise for whatever time/length "they" tell you to, etc. etc. etc.} so I just won't do ANY of it."

And I didn't. AND not only did I not do ANY of it, but it was all so overwhelming and god damned depressing that I just ate and ate and ate more.

And now, I'm doing the very best I can do, and planning ahead and making choices and getting that this is for life - not till I get to whatever weight and then back to the old ways. AND I'm getting that I can be healthy, make healthy choices and have a shave ice in Hawaii. I won't be beating myself up about it.

I'll be eating it while wearing my new bathing suit top that I had to buy because my old one was falling off - and my much looser than last summer swim shorts. :)



Shmoopie said...

You so rock!

Sooz said...

You're kicking so much ass! That's totally nailed it! (DIRTY!). Once you really stop and take the time to think about what health experts have blathered on about for years and see the logical truth in it, something just clicks. At least, that's what happened for me. I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't deny yourself anything that you REALLY have a taste for...but it took a long many years for me to figure out how to just stop and think about it and decide if it was a good, moderate choice. And also realize that I was often satisfied with a bite or nibble and not the whole effing thing. It doesn't have to be all of nothing. That lightbulb is motivating and empowering for sure! So proud of you! Go enjoy the eff out of that shave ice*, Toots!

*But seriously? Don't freak yourself out if the time comes and it just doesn't sound good to you anymore. That actually happened to me a lot...I'd gear and plan and strategize and scheme for a special occasion and then when the day dawned and it was go time, found myself thinking "Wait...that does NOTHING good for my provides no fuel or nutrition and is just empty calories/chemicals/sugar/processed food/gross." and then realized it didn't even sound good anymore and wasn't even worth a bite. Or! Because you're eating clean, your taste buds gets refined and are more sensitive, so stuff that was frakin delicious before actually tastes grody or cloying now, which is a total letdown. Or! My personal favorite smack in the face: "I just spent an hour of tortuous hell in spin class burning 700 calories...cramming that in to my maw costs me an hour and a half of spin? Eff that. I'll save it for some cheese." xo

Jamie said...

That Shmoopie is a wise one. So are you. I'm so proud of you. I love seeing all these "aha!" moments for you. You're right- you will be making a conscious decision to have a shaved ice in Hawaii and that's so very different than your old behavior. I love you and you're going to have so much fun in Hawaii!

Kristin said...

Breakthroughs left and right...I love it! AND YOU!!!!!! <3

Trisha said...

Thank you all so much!

Sooz, those damn experts! I wish they'd just shut it! :)

I probably won't deny myself forever but for now, I'm following my plan pretty religiously (and it's working!).

I love you all!